More like Space Fart, amirite?
I’m sorry for this cheap joke, but this game doesn’t deserve better. I’m mad.
Released in 1980 by Connan Enterprises, Space Warp is loosely based on Star Trek, although I’m not seeing the connection since I’m not a big fan of the show (sorry).
Upon starting the game you are presented with your mission: destroy the enemies before they destroy more planets.
Sound’s like fun, right? Wrong!
You see your ship that looks like the letter “V” and you can move around the map. There are just some stars and nothing more. If you touch them it’s game over. When you press “2” you find out that the universe is split up in eight quadrants. You can hyperdrive to them at will and may encounter an enemy. That’s when sh*tstorm begins.
You will be shot at immediatly, so make sure to use your deflectors.
Now you may think: “Hey, how about I just shoot back?”
Easy there, buddy.
To shoot back you have to press “5” and input the angle. How backwards is that? Of course the enemy will move and shoot while you do so. That means you miss 90% of the time and will die before you hit anything 100% of the time. I’m not kidding. Every match resulted in defeat after five minutes tops.
That sucks, because the idea of single-handledy fighting an armada of evil aliens in a massive universe that is split up in tiny battlefields, which means you have to act fast and play risky, sounds thrilling and fun. There is even sound and the ASCII art is charming as always. But it get’s dragged down by horrendous, unnecessary confusing and unfair combat.
Who thought that would be a good idea? Did that person lose his job? I hope so.
What a shame.